Breaking news! A new development group, Forgetit Developments proposes a forest for the city’s Innovation District and Clair-Maltby lands. Towering over the landscape…trees. Forgetit Developments is to install a forest on the city’s Ontario Reformatory lands and Guelph’s southend.

“We feel it will provide fresh air, an abundance of health benefits for living creatures, control overpopulation by humans and have enormous benefits overall” said CEO who goes by the name Groundhog.

It also makes financial sense since infrastructure and maintenance costs are zero; in perpetuity. While it won’t provide employment opportunities during implementation or jobs upon completion, it won’t need to: no one will live there.

The Province also benefits as there will be no need for hospitals, schools, roads, police, so the cost savings are enormous.

“We conducted a cost-benefit analysis and discovered no developments actually contribute money to municipalities over the long term. They always end up straining local budgets.”

Imagine, no crime whatsoever. No drug problem. Nothing. Discussions over basic income, long term care, housing, are solved the moment you remove people from the equation.

On top of all that, the carbon footprint will be a negative number.

“We truly believe that the solution to urban sprawl, climate change, overcrowding, congestion, is the eradication of people. If you don’t provide them with housing, employment, food, they’ll leave, improving the community overall. We at Forgetit Developments just got sick of all the red tape,
consultations, controls, zonings and thought, why don’t we just let the property go.

Really there is no such thing as ‘vacant land’. In fact there is probably more happening on ‘vacant land’ that there is happening on ‘developed land’. Certainly there is more life, more biodiversity. Once human developments are installed on a property overall life and quality of life plummets”, said Groundhog.

“Some have criticized our business plan saying it is an economic disaster as there is no way to profit by it, but we believe, says Groundhog, that with a slight adjustment – measuring value not in terms of cash, but rather quality of life – the value suddenly becomes apparent and quite astronomical. So if you’re seeking value, true value, not financial value, this is a win win.”

Plans for the forest are already being drawn up. In fact, there are no plans. You just let it happen.

Forgetit Developments hopes to expand to other communities, eventually installing forests across Ontario. No more overcrowding, sprawl. Not even farmland. You don’t need farmland to feed the

creatures of the forest. No pesticides, soil erosion problems, flooding, devastation, or energy use. You never need to worry about rising gas prices ever again.

“It has been a long time coming” said Groundhog.

When not talking on the phone, Jay Wilson conducts storytelling walking tours in Guelph. You can look for him by searching JayWalking Guelph.